Shattered Into Pieces
by NerdyAddict
Summary: A tumblr friend wanted: Having to blow up the Foundry and last minute Oliver goes back in having forgot "something"… BUT it turned into a speculation/spoiler for 3x19 (not what the tumblr person asked by the way)... Full warning, very emotional, very painful... EDIT: NOW going to be several chapters, and be 3x19 onwards (but not finale)
1. Chapter 1

**SO rather than working on another multi-chapter my brain made this instead... I've had a very hard personal day, been very emotional, complete honesty to you all I've been to a funeral and wake today, so my emotions are all over... and thanks to a lovely request from a friend on tumblr this creation was born. SHE liked the first draft but told me to follow my muse with the ending, SO full disclosure the ending is PAINFUL, personally I think this is the most emotional thing I've ever written... so I'm sorry because I'm in pain, and my muse creates these things... But yes 3x19 speculation story (I'm not sure this will happen but this is what my muse wanted). anyway enjoy.**

* * *

"We have to do this." Oliver said with a hint of hesitation in his voice.

"I know." Felicity replied softly.

"I can't let all our equipment fall into the wrong hands; I don't trust the police."

"Oliver." Felicity said gently placing her hand on his arm. "It's okay. I _**understand**_."

"But it's our lair, our base of operations... our _**home**_." His eyes softened as he looked at her.

"Hey. We can get a new base, a new lair, Arrow cave 2.0." He smiled at her then. "I know it's our home, I know it has a lot of memories good and bad, but a home isn't just a place Oliver. It's the people and feelings that surround us that make us feel like we belong. It's _**you**_ and everyone else that makes me feel safe, makes me feel like _**I'm home**_." He smiled tenderly at the woman he loved, and realised that she was right. She was his home now.

"I can't ask you to-"

"Oliver it's fine you get us into the club, I'll set up the explosives, then we get out and _**boom**_."

"Felicity-"

"No okay, it is _**that**_ simple. Verdants closed, there is literally 2 officers guarding the place."

"Okay."

"Good, now lets go."

* * *

Oliver easily took out the 2 officers, he placed them both in their patrol car driving it slightly down the street. They didn't need any casualties. Felicity quickly found the spare bombs from their explosive time last year, when they blew up the applied science building. She placed them strategically around the Foundry as Oliver grabbed a few belongings shoving them into his massive sports bag.

"Is there anything you need Felicity?" He shouted as he rammed a few guns and arrows into his bag. She didn't reply. So he span his head around to see her running her hand over her computer monitors. She sighed as she span the chair around; his hand on her shoulder caused her to tilt her head up. "Hey-"

"It's _**okay.**_" She said placing her hand over his. "We can start over." He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "I just hate goodbyes." She whispered softly into the silence.

"I'm sorry."

"Oliver this _**isn't **_your fault." She replied instantly turning around to face him. "Not everything is on your shoulders. Sometimes bad things happen to good people for _**no**_ good reason. I'd say you've had your fair share."

She placed her hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat a little quicker. She looked up into his eyes, his deep blue orbs drawing her in, she couldn't help the feeling of admiration, affection, tenderness and love that washed over her. He stared back unblinking as he felt his love for her soar. He didn't think it was possible but the look in her eyes had him leaning closer, then she blinked and the moment seemed to fade as her hand left his chest.

"We should head out, have you got everything?" He asked his voice sounding huskier than usual.

"Yes, I'll just set the bombs up, give us a couple of minutes to leave." He nodded as she typed something into the computers.

They walked towards the stairs, Felicity leading the way as Oliver took one last fleeting glance at the place he had called home for the last 3 years, where he had helped to tried to save his city, where he'd met friends that were now his family, where he had become the man he was now. His heart swelled at the memories he had made, as he slowly flicked the switch off the whole place tumbling into darkness.

He took the stairs 2 at a time as he met Felicity at the door.

"Come on," she smiled sadly, "we have to get out of here." Oliver nodded, as the two rushed through the deserted dance floor of Verdant. "We should be okay, I mean the explosion should just cause the club to cave in, essentially destroying the-" she glanced around her as she reached the door; stopping when she realised Oliver wasn't there. "Oliver?" She span around to see him walking back towards the Foundry. "Oliver?"

"I forgot something." He shouted.

"There's no time!" She rushed towards him.

"Felicity no, go get out, I promise I won't be long."

"Oliver." She said it in such a pleading way. He looked into her eyes and he saw all the pain.

"I promise I am coming right _**back**_," He said with an easy smile, "now get out of here." He said pointing towards the exit. She hesitated. "Felicity..." He said it so slowly and tenderly, as if her name was a whole sentence, saying everything he couldn't. How he'd come back, how he'd always come back to her, _**for her**_. She nodded before quickly spinning on her heels. Oliver watched her leave before he sprinted back into the Foundry.

* * *

Felicity was stood in the alley. The same one from all those months ago when she had told the man she loved she didn't want to be a woman he loved. Now all she knew was that she would never stop loving him. Even when Ray was perfect, when he should have been enough he just _**wasn't**_, because the reality was, he wasn't Oliver. It was Oliver Queen she had fallen for, his kindness, the way he wanted to help the city, the way he had changed for the better, and the way even in his messed up manner he cared.

She loved every part of his tattered soul because every scar, mark, meant he had survived and turned into the man she loved. The man that believed she could be more than just an IT girl. She stood in the alley praying to every god available those bombs didn't go off before he came out. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she paced the alley.

"Please Oliver, please hurry up." She whispered to herself. Then the ground shook as the explosions over took her ears. "No!" She screamed. "_**No! OLIVER!**_" She ran towards the doors as they flew open. Oliver stood there his face and clothes covered in dust as she practically ran into his arms. He didn't hesitate in pulling her into his arms as he carried her out and down the alley.

"Hey I'm okay." He whispered into her ear as he planted her feet on the ground. His hands landed on her cheeks brushing away the tears, she didn't even know she was crying.

"I've already lost you once I _**can't**_ lose you again." She said her hands wrapping around his wrists, feeling his pulse, feeling it strong and steady.

"You won't not if I can help it." He pulled her closer and as their lips met the rest of the world faded away. This kiss was exactly like their first in the hospital, tender soft and full of emotion but this time no one had any intention of walking away. As they slowly pulled apart their foreheads touched, and slowly they opened their eyes, seeing the matching feelings in each others.

"What did you go back for?" She whispered. He slowly pulled away, her hands slipped from his, as he dropped his own into his bag slung on his shoulder. He slowly but surely pulled out the green shrub.

"The fern."

"You went back for a damn plant!" She said staring at him with disbelief. "You nearly got killed-"

"_**Our **_fern Felicity, the plant you brought me, that thrives in low light..." He looked her in the eyes, "just like _**me**_." He whispered. She stared at the plant so lovingly held in his grasp, and then at the look on his face.

"You... You saved the plant I brought you, because it means something." He smiled sadly.

"Yes, I know it's stupid but I've been watering it, taking care of it... I love you Felicity and by extension this plant was a part of the time when things were good and I... I kept holding onto that with _**this**_... And I just I _**couldn't**_ let it go." Felicity smiled then.

"You _**aren't**_ going to lose me anymore Oliver." She said softly.

"There are _**no**_ guarantees."

"There never are... But you have _**my heart**_, you always have and you always _**will**_... I'm done fighting against it." The smile that adorned his face made Felicity weak at the knees. She'd never seen him smile like that, and it was then she realised she wanted nothing but to see that smile on his face every day, for the rest of their lives, no matter how long or short that was.

"Here, hold this whilst I get the van." She smiled softly, taking the plant from his hands. Their fingers gently touched and she felt the sparks fly, and from the look on his face so did he. He leant forward placing a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you." He whispered before running off.

* * *

Felicity stood there at the edge of the alley watching Oliver sprinting down the street. That's why she didn't hear him coming, didn't hear him till he grabbed her by her hair pulling back. The fern fell to the floor, the pot shattering into tiny pieces. She tried to fight. She really did, but his hands around her throat crushing her wind pipe hindered her. She stared into the man's face; he was wearing a policeman's uniform. She could feel her lungs burning from the lack of oxygen as they ached for release. Her head was pounding as she tried to think.

* * *

Olivers phone rang as he sat in the van.

"Hello."

"Oliver man." Diggle said sounding exasperated.

"Hey what's up?"

"He got away, the police stupidly underestimated him."

"Dig..."

"We think he's heading for the Foundry, we think he's after us all."

"Oh my god..."

"What?"

"Felicity..." He didn't even finish the sentence as his foot hit the gas and he threw his phone into the passenger side.

* * *

"Seems like your friends aren't here to save you now." The man said menacingly, Felicity's vision started to blacken as she could no longer fight. Suddenly the man was being pulled from her; she dropped to her knees clutching her throat struggling to breath.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Oliver snapped as he punched the man hard in the face sending him crashing to the floor. "Felicity?" He dropped to his legs a hand on her back. "Breathe Felicity. Steady breaths." Her hand shot out to his as she calmed herself. Once her breathing returned to normal, she knelt up properly, wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around her back pulling her impossibly close, their bodies were pressed together. "You're okay, you're _**safe**_ now." She pulled back slowly.

"Thank you." She smiled as she glanced down at him. "_**Oliver!**_" She exclaimed. He glanced down at his open leather jacket noticing his grey shirt was red. _He hadn't been hurt, had he?_ He pulled his shirt up, _no fresh wounds_, and then he glanced at Felicity.

Her skin had turned pale, and then his gaze dropped to her hand on her stomach. She slowly held it up, her fingers stained with blood. She fell into his open arms. He placed her gently down, as he pressed his hands hard onto her wound trying to stop the blood.

"Felicity..."

"I didn't know... I never felt it." She said softly her eyes fluttering slightly.

"Hey it's okay... I should have never-"

"_**No.**_" She said a little more forcefully, her hands covering his on her stomach. "This... isn't your fault." Her eyes closed briefly before she forced them open again. A car screeching caused them both to turn their heads. Dig and Roy were running towards them.

"Oh my god..." Roy said his eyes widening at the blood pooling around Felicity.

"Get that stupid meta-human!" Oliver snapped tilting his head back. The guys looked up but the rest of the alley was empty.

"Oliver man, he's gone." Diggle replied. Oliver tensed up, Felicity could feel it. "We need to get her to a hospital." Oliver nodded as he glanced back to her.

"We're going to have to move you Felicity okay? It might hurt but I promise I'm not going to leave you." She nodded; squeezing his hands still lay on her.

"The fern Oliver... I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter." He replied softly as Diggle scooped her shoulders, Roy her feet as Oliver still pressed into her wound.

They gently lay her in the back of the van and Diggle slipped into the driver's seat.

"Oliver..." Felicity whispered. He looked at her instantly.

"Yes Felicity..."

"Stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere baby." He whispered softly into her ear. His head shot up, "Roy your jacket, I _**need**_ you to hold it onto her wound."

"I..."

"Roy, _**please**_." He pulled his red jacket off handing it to Oliver who pressed it into her wound, it was still bleeding. His hands were a deep scarlet and he glanced at Roy who took over as Diggle drove off in haste.

"Oliver..." She whispered again. He took her hand in his as the other ran through her hair pushing it from her face. He horrified himself as he realised he had tarnished her blonde hair. "Hey..."

"Yes?"

"I'm cold Oliver." He gave Roy a sideways look, who pressed a little harder, his hands now turning red too.

"It's okay, we'll get you to the hospital... _**You'll be okay**_..." She shook her head a little. She knew deep down she wasn't going to make it this time. She could feel it in her bones, that ache was easing and the pain going. She felt tired, she just wanted to sleep. She closed her eyes. "**Hey!**" Olivers voice snapped her eyes open. "Just stay awake for me Felicity okay? Just stay _**awake**_."

"Okay..." She said softly, she glanced at the younger man staring at her. She gently lifted her free hand placing it over his. "Take care of him Roy." He couldn't stop the tear that escaped then.

"No Felicity." Oliver protested, but she ignored him.

"And Diggle. Take care of each other all of you. You're like my... little brother." She said it so delicately; she could feel the tears cascading down her face.

"You can take care of them yourself blondie." He replied and she smiled squeezing his hand but he gave her a reassuring nod. She slowly moved her hand from Roy to Olivers jaw and cheek. He leant into her touch placing his own hand over it whilst squeezing her other.

"Promise me..." She took a breath forcing her eyes to remain open. "You won't blame yourself..."

"Felicity _**no!**_ You are going to make it; I'm going to take you on a date that won't blow up. We'll go on lots of dates, get married, have kids, and have a future... You and me." Her thumb ran over his cheek gently wiping a tear away. She smiled softly.

"You and me..." She repeated. He nodded.

"Yes you and me, _**finally**_." She felt her eyes closing once again, so she opened them, she looked into his blue eyes full of sadness and pain.

"I want you to be happy..."

"You make me happy Felicity... _**You**_." She shook her head.

"I want you to have some happy endings..."

"You're meant to be that Felicity, _**you**_ are my happy ending!" He said squeezing her even tighter. The tears fell freely then from both of them.

"Listen..." She whispered, so he leant closer. "I need you... Promise me... If... I don't make... It... You'll be happy... You'll carry on... You'll get happy endings." He shook his head. "Please... Promise me."

"No, without you I can't-"

"_**Please**_." She pleaded. Her blood stained hair and pale skin made her tear filled blue eyes shine even brighter, he could see the pleading in them, see that she was trying to hold on.

"I'm nearly there!" Dig shouted from the front.

"Please..." She said softly.

"I promise..." He stuttered out with a small sob. Her eyes closed. "Felicity, please baby keep your eyes open for me..."

"Too heavy." She whispered. It fell oddly silent.

"Talk to me." Oliver said forcefully.

"Oliver..." He leant even closer placing a kiss to her forehead. "I... I... Lo..." Suddenly her arms went limp and slumped.

"Felicity?" Oliver said slightly shaking her. "_**FELICITY!**_" Roys hand shakily checked for a pulse. Nothing.

"Oliver... I..."

"No... _**No!**_" He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her, one running down her face as he sobbed, his heart shattering in his chest. "Please Felicity please come back for me... _**Please...**_" Roy sat there watching the pair, tears streaming down his own face as he watched his mentor losing the woman he loved. He'd never seen him this broken. The car slammed to a halt.

"Let's get her inside _**NOW**_!" Diggle shouted jumping out the van.


	2. Chapter 2

**SO I couldn't leave this thing alone! This is going to turn into several more chapters and contain spoilers for 3x20 (maybe 3x21 but I doubt it) it's basically all speculation and my muse couldn't stop, oh and I'm changing the rating from T to M for future chapters ... SO I am sorry if it causes more pain but I just can't leave this thing alone right now!**

* * *

Oliver stared at his reflection in the mirror. He was covered in blood, _**her blood**_. He closed his eyes briefly.

He could feel her limp body in his arms as he carried her into the ER. He could see the doctors pumping on her chest trying to revive her. He watched them wheel her down a corridor where he gave chase. He could feel the strong arms of Roy and Diggle pulling him back, could hear the sound of the defibrillator charging. See the way her body jerked when it was used on her chest.  
Slades words hitting home: **how many people can Oliver Queen lose before there is no more Oliver Queen?** Then Ra's words followed: **Oliver Queen is destined to be alone.**

His eyes shot open. He had to stay in control. Had to remain logical, he wouldn't, he _**couldn't**_ let himself fall apart. Not now. He was their leader even if he didn't feel like it anymore; he had to be strong for her, for everyone. He looked at himself one last time before deciding not to wash and he walked out heading straight to the relative's room. He sat down, trying not to think of what she was about to say before her heart had stopped.

"Are you okay man?" Diggle asked sitting beside him. He gave a swift nod.

"What did the doctors say?"

"She's gone into surgery now; we just have to wait and see." He nodded again. He glanced up to see Roy sitting in the chair, his red hoodie long forgotten, staring at his blood stained hands. Oliver went to move before Diggles hand rested on his shoulder. "Not now." He whispered. "He's in shock, we _**all **_are." Olivers jaw clenched.

"How'd Deathbolt slip away from the police?"

"My guess they were too focused on your release." Oliver pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his anger down, trying to push the pain down too. He'd stay strong for her. "You do know this _**isn't**_ your fault right?"

"I can't protect her as myself, and I can't protect her as The Arrow... Of course this is _**my**_ fault Dig." He sighed before he shifted towards him. "I should _**never**_ have let her and Palmer go to Barry, that guy would have never have followed them back. Ray wouldn't have got hurt, team arrow wouldn't have gotten involved and Felicity wouldn't have..." He couldn't say the words as the silence filled the room.

"It isn't your fault, the police underestimated him."

"No but it's my fault they were distracted. It's my fault that Ra's told Lance about my identity. My fault he went on a rampage after me, my fault Ray lead them straight to the Foundry. My fault Roy ended up dressed up in my gear whilst I was arrested to distract them. My fault Ra's tried and successfully turned _**everyone**_ against the Arrow, just like he said."

"Oli-"

"No Dig!" He stood up then. "Laurel might have been able to get us free, but there is no way Lance is giving up now, no way Ra's is backing down and as for Ray..." He sighed. "They'll all be after us; Lance won't rest until I'm behind bars... I'm a criminal, I'm a _**villain**_..." Oliver said as he walked to the window, taking in the night skyline. Dig span his head around in shock.

"You aren't-" Oliver cut him off.

"We destroyed the Foundry tonight."

"_**You what**_?" Roy said.

"Felicity and I, we blew it up. We didn't want anyone getting any information so Felicity did her thing and then we destroyed it."

"So it's gone?" Roy asked softly.

"Yes all of it is gone." The entire room fell silent as Diggle and Roy exchanged glances. They were all grieving the loss of the place they called home. Their hearts heavy in their chests as they all said a silent prayer for Felicity; because each of them knew she was the real heart of the team. And each of them felt completely and utterly lost by their current situation.

* * *

Oliver didn't know how long he'd been stood there; all he knew was that the dark night had grown even darker. The city seeming to come alive as party goers, clubbers and workers all seemed to be fluttering around. He heard when Laurel arrived, sitting and joining them, heard when Lyla arrived having left Sara with an A.R.G.U.S nanny. When he heard the door go again he was unsure who it could be his head span around hoping for a doctor. Instead he was met by the saddened eyes of his baby sister. She nodded at him before he returned to his position, he heard her sit beside Roy.

Oliver listened to his heart beat, _thud ump, thud ump_... Slow and steady. Every part of his being was willing Felicity's to be doing the same, to remain doing the same. When he was in the back of the van he saw the future he so desperately wanted slipping away from him, and this time not by his choice. All the what ifs and maybes, suddenly turned into yes's and right now. He needed Felicity Smoak in his life now, like he needed oxygen to breathe.

He closed his eyes trying to remember her soft smile, her accidental innuendos. Her beautiful laugh, her genius hacker skills, the way she tilted her head sometimes. The way she used to ogle him as he worked out. But all he could see was her blonde haired stained red, her skin pale, and the life slowly drawing out of her as she said her last words.

He took a shaky breath trying to ground himself, a hand landing on the glass window for support. The door opening had his head spinning around.

"Mr... Mr Queen?" The man said glancing around the room. He stormed towards him.

"I'm Mr Queen."

"You're listed as Felicitys next of kin." He nodded automatically, ignoring the slightly shocked faces of Thea and Laurel. "Would you like to talk in private?"

"Anything you have to say you can say in front of these. We're all _**family**_." He said glancing around.

"Very well." He stood a little straighter as he pulled the surgical hat from his head. "Miss Smoak is in the ICU, she is currently stable-"

"Yes!" Roy said.

"Thank god." Laurel muttered. Oliver let out a breath as his heart felt less tight.

"_**But...**_" Diggle was the only one to question. The surgeons head dropped then.

"She's in a critical condition."

"What happened?" Lyla asked.

"Whatever she was stabbed with, it... I've _**never **_seen damage like that before. It caught her lung, pierced her liver, and even somehow burnt her intestines. We removed as much of the dead tissue as possible, but she has such severe burns and necrosis it's a _**miracle**_ she's still alive. She lost a lot of blood and we've given her several blood transfusions." Oliver felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest all over again.

"Will she make it?" He said is so softly, everyone glanced at him but his gaze was solely on the doctor.

"In all honest Mr Queen if she makes it to the end of today it will be some sort of phenomenon..."

"But if she does?" Thea asked.

"There is too much damage I'm afraid."

"So what are you saying?" Roy asked as he held onto Theas hand.

"That you should prepare yourselves for the worst."

"Can we see her?" Oliver asked automatically.

"Only-" the doctor stopped himself as he stared into the tear ridden faces of the people before him. "Yes, of course."

* * *

He took them to another floor in the hospital, down a corridor through some brown double doors and stopped at a door, the ICU written on a sign beside it. Oliver stepped in first.

That was it; Oliver could feel himself falling all over again. The pain in his chest unbearable. She looked only like a shell of the woman he loved. She was in a white gown. Her skin was as white as the sheets she was wrapped in. Her hair was still tainted red, her glasses long gone, her lips pale too so unlike the bright colours he was used to. The monitors she was hooked up to surrounded her. Drips, blood, pain relief, the heart monitor beeping away relaxed him as he could tell her heart was beating but it was all too much. Even the oxygen pipes attached to her nose brought back unbelievable emotions.

"She might wake up, but only time will tell. She's breathing on her own but with the damage to her lung the oxygen will help. She's _**comfortable.**_" The surgeon said softly. Oliver walked forward taking her hand in his. He didn't realise how small and fragile it was against his own calloused rough one. He couldn't take his eyes from her as the rest of the room seemed to disappear. He watched her chest rise and fall, as his mind was a whirlwind of emotions. _He was going to lose her; he was going to watch her slowly die_. His heart felt like it stopped as those thoughts settled over him. He felt himself drop to his knees beside her. His head resting on her hand in his.

"No... I _**can't**_ lose you Felicity... I _**need **_you in my life. Fight, please fight for me." He could hear sobs coming from the others in the room but he paid them no attention as he felt for her pulse, it was weak but steady. The door slamming open caused Oliver to look up. There stood Quentin with Ray beside him.

"I'm here on business; _**someone**_ blew up Verdant and your lair..." Quentin snapped.

"Get the hell out." Dig said standing tall unable to control his own emotions.

"I... What the hell _**happened?**_" Quentin asked staring at the broken figure of Oliver Queen slumped next to an unconscious Felicity.

"Felicity?" Ray managed to get out with a frown.

"Because you were so focused on catching Oliver, they let that stupid Deathbolt get away and he wanted revenge."

"The guy from central city?" Ray asked the guilt very apparent in his eyes.

"Yeh." Diggle replied.

"I... I never meant any of this to happen..." He said softly. Oliver stood up then.

"Well I told you, you were a _**criminal**_ Mr Queen and look where it's gotten you." Quentin snapped bitterly.

"_**Dad!**_" Laurel said with a frown.

"No, you know this stupid vigilante thing is going to end this way for _**all **_of you... You're all going to die..." Something in Oliver snapped as he found himself marching towards them.

"She's here because _**your**_ police force isn't effective! You let a dangerous man get away and look at _**her!**_" He snapped and Quentin's gaze fell on to her. "I might have brought her into this, but I _**never**_ asked her to stay. She made her own choices, but _**this**_, her on that bed. That is thanks to your police force. So you know what lock me up, throw away the key. I don't care anymore if _**she**_ isn't here." Rays mouth fell open, as Thea gasped beside him.

"_**Your **_choices have got her injured, just like they got my Sara killed." Oliver closed his eyes briefly.

"_**Dad enough!**_" Laurel stood forward.

"No Laurel! If you stopped trying to be your sister for one second maybe then you'd realise what kind of a monster he was!" Laurel gasped.

"You know what; Sara would be _**disgusted**_ in you. That's her friend there, lay on that bed and you're here arguing over Oliver's activities, when we should all be saying goodbye."

"_**Goodbye?**_" Ray asked a little startled.

"She's... They tried... They really tried..." Laurel said a tear falling down her cheek.

"She's..." Quentin glanced at her tiny frame.

"Yes dad." She said as a whisper. Oliver watched as the two men's expressions dropped.

"She's not going to make it?" Quentin asked. Laurel shook her head as Quentin's own tears began to fall.

"Too much damage." Laurel said softly. Quentin looked at Oliver then, he truly did look broken. He was covered in blood; he looked tired, pale and worse than he had ever seen him. He was still bitterly angry, still devastated about the loss of his daughter, but now he could see that the young man stood in front of him was just as broken as he was.

"She loved you." Ray said ending the silence. Olivers eyes shot to his. "Felicity, she loved you. It's why we _**ended**_ things... When it came down to it, she chose _**you**_ she would _**always**_ choose you." Oliver could feel his bottom lip trembling as the emotions overtook him. "I am so so sorry, I do love her but it's clear how much you two mean to each other. I am sorry I thought you were bad for this city, I'm sorry I told them where your lair was..." He let the tears run down his own cheeks. "I was _**stupid**_. I know the pain you're going through and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I am truly sorry Oliver." Oliver merely nodded he couldn't do anything else.

"I can't stop them hunting you." Quentin said. "You hurt people..."

"That _**wasn't**_ him." Roy said abruptly.

"It doesn't matter; the city saw _**the Arrow**_ commit those crimes. It makes him a wanted man."

"I know..." Oliver said softly. "I know..." He repeated. He took in the faces of the people who meant something in his life, he glanced at them all, the broken smiles, and the tear streaked faces, the looks of guilt, of heart break. His own heart hammered in his chest, the pain making it agonizing to breathe.  
Then he turned to look at Felicity. The room started spinning.

"I need some air." He said pushing passed them all and through the door into the corridor.

He was completely disorientated. He couldn't let her die. He couldn't live in a world that Felicity Smoak wasn't a part of. He saw the lights fading, as the hallway now continued to spin. He couldn't do this, he couldn't stay in there and say goodbye. He needed her to live. He leant his back against the wall allowing himself to sink to the floor. His knees pulled up to his chest as his head dropped between them and his fingers laced together at the back of his head as he let himself sob. Let the pain take over.

* * *

He didn't know how long he had been there when he felt a small hand wrap around his wrist.

"Ollie." Thea said softly. He slowly pulled his hands apart and lifted his head. His eyes were red, the tears still falling. "_**Oh Ollie**_." She wrapped her arms around him pulling him close as he sobbed a little harder. He loved his sister but all he wanted then was Felicity, to have Felicity wrapped in his arms, smell Felicitys shampoo, and her perfume, feel her heart beating.

"I love you Thea." He whispered. She pulled back slightly looking him directly in the eyes.

"I love you too. You don't have to be the strong one for everyone else's sake you know?" He didn't say anything. "I always thought you and Felicity had this _**spark**_, this _**connection **_but I never realised you were _**in love**_ with her."

"Yeh, took me a long time to realise too."

"It's never too late."

"She knows how I feel Thea, she has known for a while now. But all the choices I made working with Malcolm, choosing the Arrow over her _I pushed her away_."

"Then stop pushing and go be with her, she needs you right now." She said softly.

"No, what she needs right now is a miracle. You heard them she's not going to make it out of this." He dropped his head again.

"I'm so sorry Ollie, I'm sorry that I caused you all this trouble, if I had never gone with Malcol-"

"_**No!**_ This isn't your fault Thea, none of it is."

"None of it is yours either." He shook his head. He had so much guilt weighing him down these days that Felicity's death felt like it would be the final straw. "Come on, come back in."

"Give me a minute." He said softly, she nodded heading back into the room.

Oliver thought of the what ifs: what if he hadn't pushed her away after their disastrous first date, what if he grieved with her over Saras death, what if he hadn't pushed her into Rays arms, what if he had taken Ra's offer. His mind froze for a second as he thought back to Ra's, thought back to that meeting in Nanda Parbat. He blinked rapidly as he rose to his feet. He knew what he had to do now, knew deep in his bones, in his soul what he would do for the woman he loved. He marched out of the hospital with a purpose and a new incentive, _**to save Felicity**_.


	3. Chapter 3

**SO thank you to everyone for reviews, follows etc. As always this is written from my pain and it's just a continuation now... So I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

They were in the aeroplane hanger, all the gang gathered around. Oliver had no idea how they had managed to pull this one off. He opened the back of the van, Felicity's small body was lay out on a stretcher, she still had the drips attached to her, and a small heart monitor. In silence, Dig, Oliver, Ray and Roy, picked the stretcher and everything up carrying her onto the private jet. They gently lay her on the bed making sure she was strapped down and comfortable. She was still unconscious, still unmoving but her chest still rose and fell.

"Take good care of her." Ray said turning to Oliver. "I have no doubt that you will but still."

"Thank you Ray."

"For what? I caused all of _**this**_."

"For being there for her when I couldn't, for trying to help the city."

"_**Your**_ city." He replied. "It will always be your city, I think it's time I moved on, and I left you to it." Oliver froze, but nodded. "You really _**aren't**_ a criminal, I can see that now, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Ray turned to Felicity then.

"Tell her I said goodbye." He gently placed a kiss on her cheek then whispered in her ear only for her to hear. "I'll make this right, I'll sort out Palmer Tech and make it back to QC, I'll miss you." Then he turned back to Oliver. "Goodbye Oliver."

"Goodbye Ray." He shook his hand as they all got off the plane congregating at its steps. Ray walked away, leaving the hanger.

"I'll try my best to make the people of the city see you aren't the villain." Quentin said softly.

"It's fine, the city is safe enough with _**you**_."

"Take care of her Mr Queen, I might not know what you're doing but if it means I don't have to _**lose**_ another woman in my life then I'll be grateful." Oliver nodded knowing the sacrifice he was going to make to ensure her safety.

"Then you take care of the city; take care of the people I love." Quentin frowned.

"What do you mean? You'll be here to take care of them." Oliver said nothing as the silence fell around them; he stared into the older man's eyes before recognition finally registered and he stuck out his hand. Oliver took it giving a firm handshake before Quentin walked to his car giving the gang some privacy. He turned towards Diggle, Roy and Laurel then.

"You have all _**proved**_ how capable you are without me. How _**strong**_ you are for this city and if you work together you'll still help."

"Oliver what are you saying?" Laurel asked. Diggle stood straighter crossing his arms over his chest before he spoke.

"He's going to _**sacrifice**_ himself to save Felicity."

"Oliver you can't do that the city needs _**you!**_" She replied a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Laurel, I _**have**_ to do this. I would do anything for her. _**Anything.**_"

"But your own life?"

"No I'll still be alive; I just _**won't**_ be in Starling anymore." Laurel frowned slightly as Roy stood taller.

"No, we can't lose you _**again**_." He said. Oliver rubbed his thumbs over the tips of his fingers.

"I need you to take care of the city, _**our city**_, it still needs help and your father, Lance, still needs support and you can provide that." He looked between Laurel and Roy. "Roy you have proven yourself over and over again, you are _**ready**_. I know I told you I wasn't going to abandon you, but… _**it's Felicity**_." He pleaded, Roy nodded in understanding. He knew what she meant to him. It was the same he felt for Thea. "Take care of Thea for me, take care of _**everything**_."

"You don't _**ever**_ have to ask. Just make sure Felicity is okay" The two embraced for a second before he turned back to Laurel.

"I know you're getting better, I know you think you can do this alone but believe me you can't. You need the people you love and Nyssa, she's helped to improve your skills. I am pretty sure she'll help protect this city if you ask her."

"Oliver... She could help you-"

"I'm not asking her to go against her father." Laurel stared into his eyes, she knew no matter what she said he wouldn't change his mind.

"I'll keep my phone on, anything and everything to hear from you... If you need us or anything..." He gave her a half smile before he hugged her too.

"Thank you Laurel."

"No, thank you Ollie, for showing me how different you are. How things can change for the _**better**_." She let the tears fall down her face taking a step closer to Roy. "Just take care of her." Oliver nodded turning to Dig. His posture was straight, he looked determined and Oliver knew instantly he had a fight on his hands.

"Dig-"

"No Oliver. That might work for them but I am _**not **_letting you two go in there alone."

"Dig I can't ask-"

"You aren't asking. I'm _**telling**_."

"This might not even work, he might say no..."

"He has been planning this since he asked you to be his successor, all those deaths, all those different Arrows, telling Captain Lance. He's played it so you had no other option than to _**flee**_ the city."

"That might be, but I'm not doing this because of _**that**_."

"I know you're doing it for _**her**_, and that's what I'm afraid of." Diggle took a step closer. "You'll be showing your weakness and exposing yourself to Ra's, I _**won't**_ be letting you do that alone. I told you, you're like a brother to me Oliver. And brothers don't leave each other to face their _**demons alone.**_"

"Lyla... Sara..."

"They are perfectly safe in this city and they'll be here when I get back, when _**we**_ get back."

"It isn't that simple-"

"I know and we'll figure that out, but first I think we need to save our girl." Oliver nodded in defeat; he was too tired to keep fighting.

"Okay." Diggle patted him on the back.

"I'll grab the bags out the back; I'm presuming you got Felicity's stuff as well?"

"Yes but what about your-"

"Already taken care of Oliver." He gave him a sad smile before he turned and walked towards the van. Oliver was just about to help when he heard someone running. He span his head around to see Thea sprinting towards him. She practically ran into him.

"Please... don't do... what I think... you're going to do." She stammered out as she caught her breath.

"Thea..."

"You weren't even going to say goodbye were you?" She said straightening up. His head dropped, he was so tired. He didn't have the strength for this anymore.

"I don't want to argue." He closed his eyes briefly. "The thought of losing _**you**_ it nearly got me killed. And I am certain of one thing Thea, I would do anything for the _**two**_ women in my life I love the most." Her eyes widened in shock. "Iam getting on that jet, I am flying to Nanda Parbat, and I am saving the life of the woman I am in love with, no matter whatit takes."

He looked her dead in the eyes and she could see all the pain. She had thought she had seen pain in his eyes; when he came home, cold and cut off. When Tommy died, when their mom died, when he had come to fetch her, when he told her the truth about who he was and what she had done. But she had never been so wrong. Here in front of her now was a broken figure of her brother; she could see it, that light she had seen since he told the truth was fading. She realised that, despite their love and devotion, the fact they loved each other and always would, she did not have the same affect on her brother that Felicity did. She finally saw the unbreakable bond between the pair, but now it was starting to fray, and she could literally feel the emotions and suffering radiating from him.

"I'm coming with you." She replied, he let out a shaky breathe.

"No, you'll stay _**here**_, where you're safer with Roy and Laurel. You can help them."

"No, I've had to watch you leave so many times; I _**don't**_ want any more reunion hugs. I am coming with you."

"Thea they could hurt you! I'm already potentially losing one woman I love I... I can't..." His voice broke then as he rubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes, stifling the tears.

"Oliver... Listen to me, I'm stronger than I've ever been, _**please**_ I need to know your okay, your _**both**_ going to be okay."

"But no matter what happens you'll come back?" He said staring at her, she frowned slightly.

"I-"

"No that's the _**only **_condition, whatever happens, whatever may or may not be decided promise me you'll come back to our city, back to Roy, back to a happy ending..."

"But you'll be coming back too right?"

"Thea promise me..." He held the tops of her arms, crouching slightly so he was about her height. She frowned, _of course she wanted to come back but was he seriously suggesting without him._ "Please..." She watched as his eyes softened from the pain to pure pleading and protectiveness.

"_**I promise**_." She nodded. He let go of her then as he made his way to the van.

"Did I just hear you correctly?" She span around to see Roy stood there with Laurel.

"I..."

"You're going to Nanda Parbat?"

"Roy let me explai-" Before she even finished the sentence his lips were crashing onto hers. His hands slipped to the small of her back pulling her incredibly close and her's wrapped around his neck and pulled on his hair as the kiss deepened. It was all tongues, teeth and lips but completely full of passion, lust, even love.  
A cough had the two pulling their lips apart but their bodies remained close. They both span their heads around to find Laurel and Dig stood there eyebrows raised.

"You don't _**ever**_ have to explain to me." Roy whispered turning back to Thea. "I understand."

"You always have understood me the best Roy." She smiled before giving him a quick peck. "I love you." Roy smiled.

"I love you too." He replied. "You better come back."

"I'll _**always**_ find my way back to you. Who else is going to help take care of you?" He chuckled then as he pulled her in tightly squeezing her as they embraced. They pulled apart as Oliver watched them, his heart heavy in his chest. "Take care of him for me _**please**_." She directed towards Laurel.

"We'll look after each other." She replied.

* * *

They quickly said there final goodbyes, before they got in the cars and left. The 3 boarded the plane in silence, the emotions of the night having had been too much for them all to bear. Oliver opened the door to the cockpit.

"We're ready to go." He said to the pilot.

"Sorry sir we can't go anywhere just yet."

"Excuse me? And why not?"

"Because we're missing our final passenger..."

"What?" Oliver replied shaking his head. The closing of the doors had Oliver spinning round.

"We're ready for takeoff." Malcolm said with a easy grin.

"What the _**hell **_are you doing here?!" Thea spat out in rage.

"Well as soon as I heard my daughter was going on a _**suicide mission**_ to Nanda Parbat, to face Ra's al Ghul, there was no way in hell I was letting her do that alone." Diggle scoffed lightly.

"She _**isn't**_ alone." Oliver replied bluntly.

"Whilst you are busy with your... _**Friend**_, Thea will be vulnerable, her training will be no match to that of Ra's. I've always said I love my daughter."

"Yeh well you have a funny way of showing it." Thea mumbled under her breathe. Everyone turned in her direction as she stood up. "I've told you, I'm _**not**_ your daughter. Not anymore. You don't do what you did to people you love."

"Thea, I do l-"

"_**Stop**_," her hand shot up and she turned to Oliver, "I know it's not ideal Ollie, but maybe he should come. Out of all of us he knows that place the best, and if anything happens it wouldn't hurt to have another pair of hands right?" Oliver glanced over at Diggle shaking his head. He turned to Malcolm.

"This might be _**your **_private plane, but don't think for a second you have control here." Malcolm smirked. "I can't stop you from coming but don't think this is me being okay with this, I'm doing this for ease. The only thing that matters to me right now is getting Felicity back." Oliver didn't even bother waiting for a reply as he headed towards Diggle. "I'm-"

"Don't you dare say sorry Oliver; just go be with her I'll keep an eye on Merlyn... and Thea."

"Thank you John." He said softly as he made his way into the bedroom in the back.

He knew Thea and Merlyn probably shouldn't be coming with them, probably shouldn't even be sat on this plane together but he knew that he had no more fight left in him. He just needed Felicity to be well, to be alive, and the cost to himself would _**never**_ compare to the price of her life. He would literally make a deal with the devil if it meant the woman he loved was breathing, living, shining her light into this darkened world. In fact making a deal was his plan and he would have no compunction for choosing her over everything else.

* * *

Oliver wasn't sure how long they had been flying, he had been watching Felicity, memorising every part of her body, of her face, the contours of her lips. He spent hours holding her hand, hours whispering softly into her ear of a future they could have had, of the past they shared. He spent hours praying that she would be okay, that this plan would work, and if it didn't he'd still find a way to save her like she always saved him.

Eventually he found himself sat beside the bed, his back leaning against it as he had his knees up to his chest, his elbows digging into them as his head fell in his hands. He had been tortured, suffered at the hands of various men; his body scarred showing everyone his agonising experience. But nothing, not even the blade of Ra's Al Ghul slamming into his chest, not even the fall off the cliff compared, because this felt like nothing he had ever experienced. It felt like his chest bore an immeasurable weight pressing him down, closing his windpipe, seizing up his lungs, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to move, and it hurt to think. That feeling of falling was back, but this time it was worse. It felt like he was falling into oblivion, that this pain, and feeling would never disappear, not whilst Felicity was lay there dying, and he knew deep in his soul if she died, that would be the end of him, more than his own death ever could be.

Oliver froze when he felt something caressing the back of his neck, it felt like fingers. They gently rubbed slow circles onto his skin, sending shivers down his spine. He lifted his head and turned slowly to see Felicity's blue eyes staring at him. He clambered onto his knees, taking her hand in his.

"H..." Her voice sound hoarse.

"Water?" Oliver asked and she gave a short nod. He stood up taking a glass of water then gently helped prop her up as he slowly let her drink. He ever so gently placed her back down, and watched her wince.

"Better, thank you." She said it so quietly and softly, like it hurt her to. Her eyes seemed slightly unfocused, and Oliver placed the water down before gently sitting on the bed beside her taking her hand in his.

"I love you so much Felicity." Her eyes snapped to his face, she smiled softly, her eyes focusing on his face. He couldn't help the tears that fell and she frowned.

"Why so sad?" She asked entwining their fingers.

"You... Might..." He turned his head away trying to stop his emotions from over taking. She pulled slightly on his hand; she gently ran her thumb up and down his index finger, letting him know she was here when he was ready. He finally found the courage to look back at her.

"_**You're dying**_."

"I know." She replied instantly, he frowned. "Oliver in the back of the van, I felt it... And even though I can't feel much pain right now, the drips, the heart monitor... Your face... Say it all."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I ever got you involved-"

"I'm not... Come lie with me... Please."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then lie on my good side. _**Please**_ Oliver..." His heart was breaking and his body made the choice for him as he walked over to the other side of the bed, slowly lying beside her. She ever so slowly rested her head on his shoulder, his hand landed on her hip trying to avoid the bandages. Their hands entwined on his chest. She tilted her head to look at him. "I'm never sorry Oliver, not for meeting you."

"But..."

"No okay? My life was so much better with you, so much better than I ever imagined."

"I can't... I can't lo... Lose you." He couldn't stop the tears then, staring into her eyes, beautifully blue and for the time being full of life.

"You won't, I'll be right _**here**_." She placed their joint hands over his heart. "I'll always be right _**there.**_" He sobbed a little then as his head fell to the crown of hers, burying himself in her hair.

"I'm not strong enough to lose _**you**_... I've _**already**_ lost so much."

"Oliver you're the _**strongest**_ person I know, your heart, your soul they shine _**so brightly**_, you just need to realise that people, love, are the way to access that; not the pain, not the suffering."

"I'm nothing without you Felicity, _**nothing**_."

"Hey don't say that." She frowned slightly as she lifted her head again to look at him.

"It's true, you are _**everything**_ to me and I will do anything for you. _**Anything**_." Her eyes shone as she felt the weight of his words. "You once told me I was your closest friend, and that being in your life made you happy." She nodded slightly remembering that day. "You are _**so much more**_ than that to me Felicity, you're the person _**I rely**_ on more than any other, the one who _**always**_ knows exactly what to say when I'm unsure of myself, and _**you see me**_ for who I really am even when I don't. You are so much more than a friend to me; you are my heart, my lightness in the dark, my guiding light, the person I want to share _**everything**_ with. You beyond anyone else in this world can make me happy with just a smile, with just a single look. You inspire me, you bring out the best in me and I can say without a doubt you are the _**love of my life**_." The tears fell down her cheeks.

"Oh Oliver..."

"I know, I know how many mistakes I made but I thought we wouldn't work... And then finally we get somewhere and _**this **_happens, we should have had more time..."

"We have right now." She whispered.

"But I wanted so much more than _**this**_..." She gave him a sad smile.

"Sometimes we have to take what we can get." He slowly untwined their fingers and moved from under her. He tenderly pulled down the shoulder to her gown, his hand caressing slightly till he found the irregular mark on her shoulder. The slight bump, he slowly leant over her and placed a soft kiss to it, as his lips connected with the spot Felicity felt a spark in her blood, as a shiver over took her body. He gently sat back in front of her.

"You risked your life to save Sara, it's one of the _**many**_ reasons I love you, you didn't have to protect her but you did. You might have that scar from saving Sara as a reminder of the impact you've had on others lives but what you don't realise is that you have saved me, over and over again." They stared into each other's teary eyes.

"And you saved me..." She said tenderly.

"I'm sorry I didn't think we could have this."

"Hey... It's okay... Promise me this is one thing you won't feel guilty about. This is all on me." He merely nodded. "I don't want you to remember me in pain... or dying." Her voice broke and he slowly brought a hand up to caress her cheek. She leant into his touch letting his hand warm her skin. She closed her eyes as she took a shaky breathe. She could feel his fingers rubbing the oxygen pipe helping her breath.

"Felicity..." Her eyes opened to stare into his, all the fear and pain evident but mainly love and longing floating around the surface, _all for her_.

"I want you to remember our date, remember all those small moments, the looks, the touches, the kisses... _**the happy times.**_ The way I always loved you." His mouth fell open then.

"You... You lo-"

"Oliver Jonas Queen, I have been _**so in love**_ with you for so long... I should have admitted it a long time ago but never,_** ever**_ doubt how I feel about you." His lips tugged up into a soft smile then. "I _**love**_ you Oliver, I always will, I think I always have." He leant forward placing the softest of kisses to her lips. It was so bitter sweet to finally hear her say those 3 words; the pain of their breaking hearts seemed to pull them together even more. He pulled away gently placing his forehead to hers.

"I love you Felicity, you'll always be beautiful to me, and I will never ever forget anything you've ever told me, what we've shared, the looks, _**this**_." He gestured between them. "This will be what keeps me going, never forget Felicity _**you**_ are my happy ending." They both let the tears fall as they lay back onto the bed in the exact same position as earlier.

He held her; let himself feel what it was like to have Felicity Smoak, computer extraordinaire, his partner, his soul mate in his arms. He wouldn't tell her what he was sacrificing to keep her alive, he knew how she'd react if she knew he was going to save her. So instead he selfishly allowed himself this moment of light in the darkness. He would forge this into his memory and on his heart forever, keep it with him as he became something he didn't recognise. Oliver felt his eyes growing heavy wrapped around in everything that he ever wanted, _no needed_. Felicity looked up at him.

"Go to sleep Oliver."

"No... I want to be here with you..."

"I'm right here; I'm tired too so let's sleep together."

"Just 5 minutes." He said softly his head dropping into her hair. She nodded softly, as Oliver finally started to relax. His breathing becoming more even.

"Oliver, where are we going?" She asked sleepily her eyes feeling heavy.

"Don't worry about it." He said softly as his own eyes fluttered, he never heard a response as the affects of the day finally took its toll on his body. He couldn't fight the darkness anymore as he felt Felicity curled into his side. He didn't know what the future would hold but right now, he needed this.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the penultimate chapter guys, so thank you to everyone for the reviews etc, this has really been therapeutic for me in dealing with my real life emotions so thank you everyone! I found this chapter a little harder to write, I think it has less emotions than the rest but I hope you still enjoy...**

* * *

It was the silencing of the engines that stirred Oliver from his slumber, his eyes shot open. He tried to sit up but felt himself restricted; he looked around to see Felicity's sleeping form still beside him the belts strapping them down. He slowly unbuckled them, as the door slid open.

"Hey man." Diggle said with a sad smile.

"Did you buckle us up?"

"You were out for the count. Never even flinched when I did it, I thought you needed the rest."

"Thank you." Oliver said softly turning to Felicity.

"How is she?" Diggle asked stepping closer. Oliver gently took her hand in his.

"She woke up, she was talking earlier." He said softly. He tenderly ran his thumb over her hand trying to get her to wake. "Felicity." He said softly, "Felicity!" He shouted shaking her shoulder slightly. Panic over took him as he desperately stared at Diggle. He stepped forward gently checking for a pulse.

"She's alive, _**just**_." He replied clear pain evident in his eyes. Oliver closed his as he gently slipped from the bed before leaning down and placing a soft kiss to her temple.

"I promise I'm going to save you." He whispered into her ear. He turned to Diggle then as they both left the room. They made their way into the main body of the plane where Malcolm had an array of weapons.

"Where the _**hell **_did you keep all these?" Diggle asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well John, there are _**a lot**_ of places people don't think to search on a plane."

"I told you, you don't get to call me that." Malcolm shook his head as he unzipped the cover on one seat revealing two swords, he handed them to Thea, who crossed her arms over her chest in protest.

"We have to protect ourselves, as soon as we step off this plane we are at _**the mercy**_ of the League." Oliver sighed as he stepped forward.

"He's right. Do you know a way in?"

"Several."

"Good I need you to get us in there unharmed."

"I can't guarantee that."

"No but once we're in, that's the hardest part done." Malcolm nodded still holding the blades to Thea; she glanced and Oliver then took them, securing the sheaths to her back.

* * *

Oliver scooped Felicity into his arms, she hung limp in them. He tucked her arms across her body keeping her as securely to his chest as he could. _He knew this was dangerous, knew how wrong this could go but if he died trying to save her than he knew it was a worthy way to die_. He stepped out into the plane to find the 3 all kitted out with weapons.

"Follow me." Malcolm said as he opened the door. "Don't stop, don't get killed, just. Follow. Me." The 3 nodded as Diggle turned to Oliver.

"Are you sure you can carry her man?"

"Yes, you concentrate on keeping us safe till we're inside then we'll switch." He gave a swift nod before Oliver turned to Thea. She looked a little paler than usual but determined as she gripped a bow and arrow in her hands. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'll be better once this is over but we'll save her Ollie I promise."

"Just make sure _**you're**_ safe." She nodded.

"I know how to handle myself, you've seen _**that**_." She smiled softly.

"Come on!" Malcolm shouted from the plane steps.

As soon as they stepped outside they were bombarded by a swarm of arrows. Malcolm dodged each one swiftly, taking out several of the assassins with his own arrows. Diggle managed to get a few shots in as they rushed in the direction Malcolm led. They kept on pushing, each fighting the hardest they had ever fought. Assassin after assassin seemed to slow them down but none faltered, even Thea managed to place punishing blow after blow to noses, shines, ankles. Oliver kept Felicity protected, his body shielding her tiny one from the arrows around them.

They were so close to an entrance when an assassin attacked Oliver from behind, kicking him hard in the knee causing him to drop Felicity as he fell. Oliver tried to scramble to his feet as he watched the assassin in front of him draw his sword high above his head to land a blow on Felicity. His body acted of its own accord before he even had a chance to think, he had his bow in hand and an arrow was flying through the air, then another and finally a third.

The first struck his hands causing him to drop his blade, another to the shoulder and the final to the thigh. The assassin dropped with a screech, Oliver pulled himself up as the others rushed back towards them. Diggle picked Felicity up as Thea and Merlyn ran to help Oliver. They darted passed the assassin on the floor, and the only thought that was running through Olivers mind was when he had last fired 3 arrows to protect Felicity, because once again he knew when it came to her; there _was never a choice to make. _

* * *

Malcolm led them through the caves, easily taking out the few League members they stumbled across. They were so close to Ra's rooms, to the place housing the waters Oliver so desperately needed, when suddenly they were ambushed. A group of assassins stood before them, a small younger one at the front. Oliver recognised her instantly as the one who Ra's spared last time he was here.

"Rami Al-Sahem Al-Akhdar." She said nodding in Olivers direction, before she shouted and the group charged.

Malcolm fought off the most in hand to hand combat, Diggle managed to somehow mow down a few with his Glock whilst holding Felicity. Thea took on the female assassin, both seeming to be matched in their skills. Oliver was unrestrained he allowed his anger and pain to take over as he took on each assassin, the training with Malcolm apparent in every blow he gave with and without his blade. They fought hard, till eventually there were just too many. They were surrounded, blades entrapping them all as their chests heaved from the exertion. But Oliver wasn't bothered they had managed to get this far and the rest was now up to him, _and him alone_.

They heard footsteps coming towards them, and all looked up to see Ra's in all his glory. The ornate jewels, the exquisite darkened cloak covering his simple clothes underneath, all making him seem more powerful, more commanding and somehow more menacing, in the dimmed lights. He merely raised a hand, and all the assassins surrounding them dropped their blades standing aside.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of Mr Queen and his comrades?" Ra's said his calm voice echoing off the walls.

"I'm here just like you planned." Oliver said taking a step in front of the group.

"I gave you an _**offer.**_"

"No, you made it appear as an offer, all those things you said about the city turning against me, everyone turning against me-"

"They all came true." Ra's replied a hand on his blade.

"Only because _**you**_ made it so."

"I don't know-"

"I don't care." Oliver stood straighter, finding the strength from the woman he loved lay in the arms of his other partner. He was doing this for her. "I come to you now to accept your offer, on _**2 conditions.**_"

"We do not do conditions Rami Al-Sahem Al-Akhdar."

"Then I won't become the next Ra's Al Ghul." Ra's stood there in an eerie silence, his expression unchanged. "I'll leave here, and I will _**never**_ return. I will go back to Starling and face all those crimes." He heard Thea's heavy intake of breath behind him. "I will let myself face the justice I so clearly deserve." He matched Ra's stoic expression giving nothing away. Everyone stood there in silence. All that could be heard was the flickering of candles, of wood and coals crackling, and to Oliver hearing the shallow breathes of Felicity. He let himself focus on her, _on her alone_, he would do whatever it takes for her and this would be the defining moment.

"What conditions?" Ra's said breaking the quiet.

"That my team," he gestured behind him, "that they are free to roam this place for as long as I'm here, they won't be attacked, threatened, or _**anything**_, they will be _**welcomed**_." Ra's frowned.

"We don't accommodate for guests, only members of the League or those training."

"Well there can always be an exception." He said standing even taller.

"And your second?" Oliver turned around walking towards Diggle; he pulled the blonde up into his arms with relative ease. He watched her chest slowly going up and down, each breath becoming shallower than the previous. He turned back to face him.

"_**Save her**_."

"I am not a doctor."

"No but those waters, _**your waters**_ could save her, could bring her back." Ra's snickered slightly.

"Love makes you _**weak**_."

"That might be your opinion. You said I loved a woman I could never have. Well she might be my weakness but she is also _**my strength**_. If she dies..." Oliver took a deep breath trying to compose himself. "Everything about who I am is thanks to her. So if you want Oliver Queen as the next Ra's Al Ghul, then Felicity Smoak _**has to live**_." He could feel Ra's eyes boring into him, deep down into his soul. But he knew that all there was right now was his love for the woman in his arms. _He didn't know what would happen and what would become of him, but all he knew was that he would never be able to find peace again if she wasn't in the world. _

"_**Out**_, show our guests to their rooms." Ra's said in an even tone not once breaking eye contact with Oliver.

"I'm not leaving you man." Diggle started to protest. Oliver turned his head slightly to glance at him, Thea and Malcolm.

"It's fine, we'll be okay." He said with a swift nod. He could see the hesitation in Thea and Digs faces but they reluctantly left the room. As soon as the last person left Ra's spoke again.

"Maybe I should have just gone for her." He said solemnly.

"If you ever even harm a single hair on her head I won't hesitate in _**destroying**_ you or anyone that gets in the way." Oliver said bitterly, feeling the anger coursing through his veins. "I might not be able to have her Ra's but everything I do is driven by a need to protect her and every single _**person I love**_." Ra's stared at him briefly before he turned his back to him.

"Follow me." Oliver did as he was asked, they wandered through the rooms in silence, until they reached the one he remembered most. The stone pool, taking the focus of the area, with steps either side leading up to it. The water was cascading down the rocks causing ripples and bubbles, with the candle light surrounding them, the whole room seemed calming. "There was once a time when I loved a woman, but it was not meant to be. I couldn't save her. That is why love is a weakness."

"I can save Felicity."

"Until someone else uses her to get to you."

"I won't let that happen." Ra's shook his head. "You might see her as only a weakness, as being used to get to me but I see her as a person, _**a human being**_ who shines so brightly in this world she blinds everyone with her belief." He took a step closer then. "It's her belief in me that made me the man who survived. When I was saved from your blade, _**from death**_, it was the image of _**her, **_the thought of returning to the people I love that saved me. That pushed my will to live. _**They, she**_ is my strength. So either save her, or watch me walk away and destroy your _**legacy**_ with me." Ra's stared at him for a moment.

"If I do this, you are to do exactly as I say, train as I say... Be willing to do anything and everything for this cause."

"As long as she's alive..." Oliver replied instantly.

"Fine, these waters have a healing quality. The extent of her wounds means the... _**Side effects**_ could be worse."

"Side effects?"

"Simple wounds without bathing can be healed quickly but bathing in there especially for the first time and severely injured, it could be... _**Unpleasant**_."

"Which means?"

"The woman that comes back might not be the woman that you love." Oliver frowned. "It is her inner strength, if she wants to come back then she will. Sometimes it takes longer than others."

"If there is any chance she can survive, then I'll take it."

"Very well Mr Queen, you need to place her in the water."

"How long for?"

"For as long as I say." Oliver nodded walking up the steps; he lowered them down and gently placed her at the edge of the water.

He rolled his jean legs up and gently placed them in the pool, it was warmer than he expected. He slowly lowered Felicity in; he held her head as she floated on the water's surface. He watched the clear liquid surrounding her as it slowly started to turn a light shade of green. He watched with fascination as her breathing became less shallow, as her skin started to gain colour, the blood in her hair washed away, as the waters slowly seeped into her skin. He could literally feel the life returning to her as it warmed his own body, he felt it in his soul, his blood, his heart it finally felt like he was able to breathe again.

"_**Now**_." Ra's said softly. Slowly Oliver pulled her out and suddenly he was being dragged away, as Felicity was too.

"**Noooooo!**" Oliver screamed. He fought hard, it was the sting of a needle in his neck that finally stopped him and he dropped to the floor in a heap.

* * *

He was staring into her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes. They were more than that, they were full of joy, of happiness, of a painful life she had survived, but most of all they were full of life. They literally were the windows to her soul.

"Felicity…" Oliver said gently.

"Hey... It's okay." He frowned slightly as the voice didn't match.

"Felicity?" Suddenly the beautiful blue eyes transformed into something dark, something hollow. He bolted up right.

"Hey Ollie it's okay." Thea said kneeling beside him. He looked around to find himself in an unknown room, Diggle, and Malcolm stood watching too. He jumped to his feet wobbling slightly.

"Where is _**she**_?" He practically growled. Diggle was by his side in a second.

"Man, come on sit back down."

"No they drugged me where the hell is she Dig?"

"She... _**She's safe**_." Oliver frowned pulling away from him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ollie, she..." Thea hesitated slightly.

"The woman you loved is _**gone**_." Malcolm said from where he was leaning against the wall.

"_**No!**_" Oliver spat out.

"She isn't gone!" Thea said turning her head to glare at Malcolm. "They said that the effects of that _**thing**_ have altered her."

"What does that mean?"

"It means Oliver that the Lazarus Pit was strong enough to heal her but now the rest is up to her." Malcolm replied once more. Oliver shook his head.

"Will someone please just tell me what is going on?"

"We'll show you." Malcolm said extending his arm.

"Oliver that might not be the best-"

"Diggle I don't care I need to see her!"

Malcolm led them down a darkened corridor to rooms very much like where he and Diggle had been chained the last time but this was smaller, darker. They came to a heavy iron door, one that looked oddly out of place. The two guards looked at the gang before Malcolm said something. Slowly they opened it. Oliver walked in first; there in the corner of the room was Felicity, her blonde hair now dry in messy curls hiding her face. She was wearing the same white gown, and then he noticed the chains around her wrist, noticed the way she rocked gently back and forth. He frowned as he took a step closer. His heart was pounding in his chest.

"Felicity?" He said so softly, but she didn't even look. He stepped closer and closer, and then crouched down in front of her. He gently touched her arm and as soon as he felt her skin, which was freezing cold, her eyes snapped to his. The beautiful blue was gone, replaced by nothing but black, he'd never seen something so dark, not even the scariest days of his life compared to the chill he felt run down his spine then. It was as if her soul was completely full of darkness. She lacked any colour, and when she started screaming he recoiled falling back into a sitting position. She went to claw at his face, continuously screaming, nothing making any sense. Diggles arms on his shoulders pulled him away from her against the wall opposite. She quietened down sitting back in the same position.

"What? Who?..." He stuttered out.

"She's okay." Diggle said kneeling beside her.

"Really?"

"It drives them mad." Malcolm said bluntly. "The healing process, it makes them like _**this.**_" He gestured to her.

"Will she come back?"

"That's up to her." Oliver looked up at Malcolm them. "She has to fight; she has to _**want **_to come back. Every individual is different. Only time will tell." Oliver nodded staring back at her.

This wasn't the woman he loved. This wasn't the woman who had not even a day ago told him she had loved him. His heart ached then as he looked at her. He thought her death was painful, but this was so much worse. He was watching the body of the woman he loved be completely consumed by madness, by darkness, she was alive but she wasn't. He closed his eyes as regret flooded him. He had given up everything for her return and now she wasn't that light anymore, she wasn't even herself. He stared at her form, stared at the monster he had created. Then he frowned at himself, sitting a little straighter as he realised something.

"Come on Oliver." Diggle said standing up and holding out his hand.

"No I'm fine here."

"Oliver you can't just sit here." He looked into Digs eyes then, and smiled softly.

"I'm not leaving her."

"But that _**isn't**_ her." Oliver shook his head.

"I refuse to believe that. John, she has _**never **_given up on me, even when I have made some terrible choices she has alwaysbelieved in me, always been there. So now it's _**my**_ turn. She's going to come back, and I am going to be here with her because I promised her she wouldn't lose me, and I'm not leaving now just because she doesn't remember... _**yet**_."

"Oliver..." He said it with such hesitation and Oliver merely smiled.

"I love her John and I'm _**not **_giving up on her." He nodded then as he recognised that same devotion in his eyes that he felt for his own wife and daughter.

"I'm right here for you man if you need anything." Oliver nodded his gaze falling back to Felicity.

* * *

It had been 3 days, and Felicity was still the same. Oliver never left the room, never left her side just like he said, he hadn't even slept. Thea and Dig regularly checked on him and fed him, they talked to him. But not once did he give up hope. He talked to her constantly, told her about how they met, all the things they had done, the good and the bad, all the arguments and fights, all the smiles, all his hopes, all his fears but her eyes remained dark.

It was later on the 3rd day when she lay down, the rocking finally stopping. He watched her tentatively, with fascination. For the first time in 3 days he approached her slowly shuffling closer till his hand touched her arm. She didn't move. She didn't make a sound. But her skin was warm, and Oliver's heart hammered in his chest.

"Rami Al-Sahem Al-Akhdar." He snapped his head to the door as he heard the familiar name used to call him. His eyes landed on Maseo standing there.

"Maseo?" He asked with a frown.

"It's been 3 days Oliver, there is no improvement..."

"No. I know what you're going to say but _**no**_."

"This comes from the demons head."

"No."

"Oliver, please."

"I am not giving up Maseo; I am not ready to give up on her."

"It isn't that simple. He expects-"

"_**No!**_" Oliver growled this time. "The deal was as soon as she was alive."

"She _**is**_ alive." He replied bluntly.

"I don't care; I'm waiting for her to come back."

"She might not; I've never seen anyone go this long. It normally takes hours not days." Oliver shook his head in disbelief turning back to Felicity. His heart stopped. She wasn't breathing.

"No! Not again! _**No!**_" He span her body around, before he started pressing on her chest. "I am not losing you, _**NOT AGAIN**_." He pushed her chin up before pressing his lips to hers, filling her lungs, she still tasted as he remembered. But nothing happened. He carried on the process. "Please Felicity please. I've already lost you once, I need you Felicity." His vision blurred as the tears fell from his eyes; his heart was breaking all over again the pain making his whole body ache. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Oliver it's too late." Oliver started to slow down his actions as his sobs filled the eerie silence.

"Felicity,_ I love you so much_. You complete me; I don't want to do _**this**_ without you. When you told me you loved me back..." He sobbed harder. "I never, _**ever **_thought I'd hear you say that and I never thought I could be enough for someone to love. But you, _**you**_ loved me even the broken parts, even the damaged, stubborn, selfish parts." He leant forward then placing a soft kiss to her lips before whispering into her ear. "_Please... Come back for me_." He watched her body for a second before he let his head crumble into his hands. He heard running footsteps, he knew it was Thea and Diggle, he heard them enter the room. Heard Diggle drop to the floor beside him, his own sobs filling the silence, even Thea cried as she wrapped her arms around Oliver. He felt numb. Nothing felt real anymore. He had been an idiot to think this would work, to think he could save her.

There was a noise, a loud sudden intake of breath, Oliver's head shot up, it was Felicity. She was breathing fast and loud, her eyes searching the room. He automatically grabbed her hand leaning over her. Her eyes instantly snapped to his, big, bright, and blue. The relief instantly washed over him and he smiled softly as the tears rolled off his cheeks. Her hand rose to his face as she whispered.

"Oliver..."


	5. Chapter 5

**This is it guys the final chapter! Thank you so much for everything all of you, none of you know how much more this piece has meant to me with my personal life, so everything from everyone means so much more so just thank you! This is the chapter that contains smut, so if it's not your thing you may want to skip the end. But yes I hope you enjoy what I did with this because this is an Olicity story, and I hope you don't mind the ending because I didn't know where the hell to go with the Ra's thing (complete brain blank hence only 5 chapters). But anyway enjoy :).**

* * *

It had been a week since Felicity had woken up from her weird _dream_. She had dreamt she was alone in complete darkness, that she was lost and couldn't find her way home until she heard Oliver, he calmed her, grounded her. She didn't feel as lost with his voice surrounding her in the never ending darkness, making her feel safe. That was until she heard him crying, until she heard his pleas, then she fought against it, she found the strength like never before and when he said _**Please... Come back for me**_, she finally saw the light and when she opened her eyes, _he was there_, tears streaming down his cheeks. Oliver never left her side for the rest of that day, but when she woke up the next morning he was gone. She hadn't seen him since.

It had taken her the whole week to finally feel herself, to adjust to the fact she had died, that she was meant to be dead but Oliver had found a way to save her. That she was in fact in Nanda Parbat. She spent most of her time with Diggle and Thea, and she slept a lot. The rest was spent adjusting, remembering, and being told how she was alive.

She was angry, angry that Oliver had made this decision to bring her here without consideration from anyone else. No-one had seen him since she returned and so none of them knew the truth, knew the extent of the deal he had made. Felicity's fleeting memories didn't help either, she remembered dying, remembered things briefly on the plane but it was so sporadic it confused her. But she was angry, very angry he hadn't even checked on her since bringing her here, hadn't talked to her, and hadn't bothered all over again. It felt like she had lost him when she had only just truly found him.

* * *

Felicity had been watching Thea training with the League; apparently they had welcomed her with open arms after seeing something in her. The two were just heading back from the dining hall, after spending most of the day together. Somehow the girls had bonded in this short time, Thea seeing what had captivated her brother all along and Felicity realising how light hearted the younger sibling could still be after everything. They were heading down the corridors chatting when they heard raised voices. They frowned heading into the direction of the Lazarus pit room.

"You can't be _**serious**_?" Diggle shouted staring at him in disbelief.

"Dig this isn't up for discussion." Oliver replied instantly.

"Like _**hell**_ it's not!" He said standing up straighter.

"I made a decision, and I stand by that choice."

"I'm not saying it was the wrong choice, I'm saying that you could have discussed it with us."

"There was _**nothing**_ to discuss."

"God damn it Oliver!" He said standing up straighter, getting into his face. "_**You**_ don't get to decide for us!"

"What's going on?" Thea asked stepping into the room first. Felicity followed, her eyes instantly fell on to Oliver. He was wearing dark green robes and pants, with an ornate green almost black cloak over them, he had a buzz cut, and was stood with his arms by his sides whilst Diggle was stood in his face. Neither looked at the girls as they continued to stare each other out.

"Are you going to tell them or should I?" Diggle said taking a step back pointing at them.

"Tell us what?" Thea asked. Felicity remained silent, she hadn't seen Oliver in 6 days yet he seemed more distant now than he ever had. She watched as he closed his eyes briefly before glancing to Thea. His eyes fell solely on her.

"You're going _**home**_." He said flatly.

"We're all going home?" Thea smiled broadly. He nodded, and Felicity could see the excitement and joy radiating from her. But Felicity knew, she could feel it in her bones, knew there was more to this, and knew there was something else. She looked at Diggle; she could see him clenching his fists shaking his head.

"What aren't you telling us?" She asked staring at him. His gaze never met hers and she felt it like a blade cutting into her, _how had this distance between them happened?_ He turned his head away then.

"Oh quiet now, Oliver?" Diggle said the bitterness in his tone. The girls saw his head snap up to him.

"_**Dig.**_"

"No! He's staying."

"What?" Thea said her eyes wide with shock.

"The deal, to be the new Ra's he took it and he plans on following through with it. He wants us to leave him here and go back to Starling."

"No." Thea shook her head. "_**No!**_" Thea stood there in silence; they knew Oliver had taken the offer to save Felicity. They had told Felicity that much but she didn't realise to this extent. She felt the weight of his decision on her heart, that's why he couldn't look at her, _he blamed her. And she blamed herself too_.

He span around quickly then walking towards Thea. Felicity took several steps away from them, bringing her closer to the water's surface and of course John. He looked at her with a small frown before gently placing his hand on her arm. She just stared into the water at her reflection.

"You promised me Thea." Oliver said softly.

"I... You were hurting and I wanted to make it _**better**_... I'm _**not**_ leaving you."

"Thea..."

"No Ollie-"

"_**Thea!**_" He snapped slightly and her eyes instantly met his. "Laurel is in trouble, Roy, Lance... Starling it _**needs**_ you, _**all of you**_." He said loudly enough for them to hear. "You promised me, you promised you'd go back, you'd have a _**happy ending**_." Felicitys eyes widened at the all too familiar words but she couldn't bring herself to look at them. "I need you to go back, that's why Merlyn and his plane are still here. I can't-"

"No I've already lost my family I can't lose you too, I _**need**_ you."

"No you don't." He said standing straighter. "You really don't, you're stronger than you even know. Roy makes you happy. Roy, Laurel, they'll all be there for you."

"And what about you?"

"Thea you're my sister I will _**always**_ be there, but..." He took a step back, "mum and dad died so we could live, and I'm doing this so you can _**all live**_." She shook her head. "I need you to go back and be happy for me, live your life for the _**both**_ of us." She closed her eyes briefly stopping the tears as she glanced at Felicity and John. She had her eyes closed her head hung low, she could see the pain she was in, even could see Johns exasperated posture.

"No matter what I say you aren't coming back are you?"

"No." He shook his head.

"I see." She said softly, "and there is no way you'll let me st-"

"_**No!**_" He said forcefully, "no, Merlyn already made you this way I'm not turning you into an assassin too." She nodded staring into his eyes; his facial expression was so stoic, worse than when he first returned from the island. He was trying to keep them all out, and she was angry he was pushing them away but she understood why, and she also knew that out of everyone Diggle and Felicity were the only ones who had a chance of changing his mind.

"I'm not happy Ollie."

"I don't need you to be happy with me, I need you to be in Starling where you belong."

"Where we _**both**_ belong." He shook his head instantly.

"I don't belong anywhere anymore. So please just go, as you _**promised**_." She sighed shaking her head.

"I can't believe you." She turned around leaving the room, she couldn't deal with him. Oliver didn't say anything as he watched his baby sister walk away.

"So that's what this has all come down to, you telling us all how to live our lives without being a part of them anymore?" Diggle said letting go of Felicity's arm and turning towards him.

"No."

"Well then explain it to me Oliver?" He asked in a short tone.

"I made a decision, _**me alone**_, none of you have to carry this burden-"

"But that's what being a part of team is about Oliver! We _**share**_ the weight." Oliver shook his head.

"You have Lyla, and Sara. You can lead the team in Starling, you can guide them, they need that-"

"No they need _**you**_." He snapped back.

"You all proved in the wake of my death that I am not needed anymore."

"That's a lie and you know it!" He took another step closer and Oliver could feel the fury radiating from him. But Oliver would stand there and take it. "I told you we were _**all**_ going home."

"No my home is here now." Felicity was still staring into the water; flashes of memories racked her brain as she heard their exchange. _**Home**_. She remembered that conversation, it brought tears to her eyes.

"We already thought we lost you once, we can't do that again."

"You have no choice Dig."

"Don't tell me what I do and don't have Oliver."

"I had a choice Dig; I took that decision for all of us. You know, _**you know**_ what it meant to me. So yes if I have to stay here and be Ra's then so be it! But I am _**not**_ having your potential death on my hands. Go back to your wife and child." Diggle shook his head in disbelief.

"We can figure something out-"

"I did, _**this**_." He gestured to himself, "this was all figured out, so just go. Go and take care of your family and the city." He watched as the tears appeared in Olivers eyes.

"But **_you're_** family man."

"Not anymore." He replied his expression remained blank, cold.

"So that's how it's going to be? You cut us all off? You stay here and lose yourself?"

"It's easier for everyone, and maybe I'm not losing myself, maybe _**this**_ is who I'm meant to be, who I've _**always**_ meant to be." Diggles hands rubbed down his face in an frustrated manner as he shook his head.

"You really are an idiot." He turned his back then, "I'm done... I'm done fighting you on this." Diggle replied walking away. Felicity heard Oliver let out a small sigh, even if he tried not to. She felt his gaze on her watching her as she stared at her reflection. She closed her eyes, her memories coming back thick and fast.

"Are you going to shout at me too?" He asked.

"It's nice to see you too Oliver." She said her head tilting to look at him. "Or is it Rami Al-Sa... Whatever."

"Rami Al-Seham Al-Akhdar, it means The Green Archer." She looked him up and down then, and she let out a strained chuckle. "Huh?" He frowned.

"I haven't seen you in what, _**6 days**_. 6 days in a place I don't know, in a place I was supposed to die but I didn't. After everything we've been through... _**You**_ left me alone and unsure of everything."

"Fe..li..city." He said it slowly like he always did, like he wanted to say so many things but her name was enough.

"No." She snapped her voice getting louder. "I get it now I get why you can't even bear to look at me, let alone stay in the same room as me." She sighed then turning her back on him.

"_**What?**_" He replied.

"You blame me; this choice was because of _**me**_. It's all _**my**_ fault." She dropped her head then. The room fell silent and before she knew it Oliver's hands were on her arms spinning her to face him.

"No. I don't blame you not for a single second. I would _**never**_ blame you for being alive. Do you understand?" Her mind wandered back to the time he had said that before when she merely nodded, this time she shook her head.

"No I don't." She looked into his eyes then, she could see the man she knew there, deep down he couldn't hide it from her. "You said I was the love of _**your life**_ that we should have had more time and _**finally**_ we get it but you're pushing me away, pushing us _**all**_ away. You might not blame me but I certainly do." His head dropped then his arms falling back to his sides as he took a step back. She could see it plain as day all those walls she had fought hard to take down were being built back up.

"You aren't to blame Felicity." Something in her snapped.

"_**I died!**_ I was dying and you brought me back. You saved me and I'm supposed to be grateful but I'm not!" She tried to stop the anger from rising but it was no use. "You and me remember? You said it, more dates, a life together." She watched him shake his head. "I wish you _**hadn't**_ brought me back." His head snapped around then, she could see the visible tears in his eyes, reminding her of the time they had lost Sara, when he refused to grieve, refused to break down.

"Fel-" She stood a little taller as he stepped closer. She walked passed him.

"No. When are you going to get that I came back because _**you**_ asked?" His mouth fell open then. "I didn't want to be revived just to have to walk away and leave you behind." She sighed then. "I always told you if you were in my life I was happy. Now you want me to walk away, why bring me back to make me suffer?" She couldn't help the tear that fell then, she was so angry, so upset.

"I didn't-"

"But you are. Can't you see? I _**came back**_ for you and you can hardly look at me. Of course I blame myself Oliver, you didn't have to bring me back at least that way your friends and family, our city wouldn't be losing you."

"No but they would have lost _**you!**_" He shouted catching her off guard. She shook her head.

"They already lost me."

"_**No! **_You're stood here now living and breathing! I made this choice so you could live and I don't blame you or regret it. I _**meant **_what I said, I love you but you have to go. You don't belong here in the darkness, so leave! Be happy! _**I need that**_!"

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that you make me happy?" She whispered. Oliver closed his eyes, his thumb and forefinger rubbing together as he let out a shaky breath.

"It isn't about that."

"Then what is it? Explain to me why you made this decision alone? Just _**talk**_ to me!"

"You coped without me once before." He said striding passed her towards the door.

"We thought you were _**dead **_then!" She shouted so loudly. He span back around.

"Then pretend I am." He said it his face so stoic, void of any emotion making him the man she loved. He turned back around once again walking towards the door.

"Please _**don't**_ do this. Please don't shut me out again." His steps faltered at her words, but he didn't turn around as he disappeared through the door.

* * *

Felicity did something she had never done before, she followed him. She wasn't prepared to lose him again. She practically ran to keep up with him, following him down corridors until he came to a wooden door, he pushed it open and before it had a chance to slam shut she slipped through. Oliver stood there blade held up to her throat before he realised it was her and dropped it.

"I know you don't want to talk to me but slicing my throat is a bit extreme." She tried to joke, tried to see if she could get a reaction from him but all he did was place the blade back in its sheath before removing it from his waist. Felicity frowned at him.

"What do you want?" He said not meeting her eyes. "I'm tired of arguing-"

"I don't want to _**argue**_ anymore either. What I would like is for you to tell me the truth." He shook his head as he sat on a wooden chair pulling his boots from his feet.

"And all I want is to crawl into bed." He still didn't look at her then.

"If that's your way of asking me to leave you alone, that's a no I'm afraid." He sighed then as he let his head fall backwards looking up to the ceiling.

"Felicity, I'm pretty sure we've both made it 100% clear how we feel about what's happening here."

"Have we? Because I thought you _**loved**_ me, that you had finally _**chosen**_ me, but then you don't have anything to do with me, and then tell me to leave, explaining nothing."

"Well it's clear you aren't happy here, you aren't happy with me." She froze to the spot then as she glanced at him. She thought that this whole bravado was because he blamed her, that maybe he didn't feel how she felt, but she could see it in his posture, he was scared. She knew he'd never admit it, and she knew how hard it would be to get him to open up so she took a deep breath.

"Oliver..." She lowered her voice saying it tenderly his eyes snapped to hers then in an instant. "When I was dying, I meant _**everything**_ I said to you." He gulped remembering the I love you on the plane. "But I don't know what you're thinking... I haven't seen you for 6 days-"

"I've _**seen**_ you." He said it as a whisper.

"Huh?"

"I've been checking on you at night, making sure you're okay."

"Then _**why**_ do you want me to go?"

"_**I don't**_..." Her mouth fell open then, "but," her eyes closed _because of course there had to be a but_, "if you stay here, you're more vulnerable, being with me, it will mean you could get attacked-"

"I don't care about that."

"_**But I do!**_ I nearly lost you; I can't _**ever **_do that again. Losing you it was worse than when I was dying, more _**painful **_than the sword to my chest, than the fall off the cliff." He closed his eyes then clearly remembering. "My last living thought, before I died, I saw my family, saw them all happy and joyous but _**the**_ last thing, _**the very last thing**_ I pictured, that I _**felt**_ was our first kiss." He heard her gasp.

"Oliver..."

"See this is the thing Felicity, I made a promise I would do anything to protect you that I would bring you back. So I don't regret this decision, I don't blame you at all, not if it means you get to live..."

"But I don't want to live _**without**_ you..." She said softly.

"And _**I **_can't live in _**a world**_ without _**you**_ in it." He stood up then taking a step closer. "I told you I would never forget _**this**_." He gestured between the two of them, "that you would keep me going, I'm a villain, _**a monster**_ now but remembering you that will keep me sane." She shook her head then.

"Don't you get it?" She said taking a step closer to him.

"Get what?"

"I love you." His breath hitched as neither looked away. "That means I love _**all of you**_, the good, the bad, the Arrow, Rami... Whatever you call yourself, because I love _**the man**_. You could never be a monster, you're a hero, _**my hero**_. I am so desperately in love with you, Oliver Queen." His eyes fell to her lips before snapping back to her eyes, he could see all that love tumbling out just for him. "You said I was your last living thought..." He nodded in response. "Well when I came back, it was _**your voice**_ that guided me, I heard you pleading me to come back, to come back _**for you**_." His eyes widened. "That is what I did." She could finally see the man she loved before her, his eyes full of emotion, his features soft. "I told you that my home was with you guys not a place, remember?" He nodded. "What I actually meant was _**you**_ are my home Oliver, with you, and _**only you**_. It's my life, and so you can tell me to leave all you want, shout it till your red in the face but I will _**always**_ _**chose you**_, I will always chose to be with you Oliver, no matter where you are."

"Felicity..." He whispered.

"I'll go back to Starling if you tell me you don't want me, if you don't love me, I'll leave and never look back but if not-" His lips crashing into hers stopped her mid-sentence. She didn't even hesitate in reciprocating the kiss. She tenderly sucked his top lip as she wrapped her arms around his neck; his hands fell to the small of her back pulling her flush against him. They fit perfectly together. He slowly pulled away staring into her beautiful blue eyes, the eyes he had dreamt of for the last 6 nights.

"I love you." He whispered into her lips. She smiled then a hand gently coming to cup his cheek, he leant into her touch.

"Then let me stay, let me be here with you, I'll go to Starling help Laurel but I'll come back to you, _**always**_." He stared at her and she could see the internal debate he was having. "We'll figure a way out of this, we'll figure out how to get you back where you belong." She saw the moment he made his mind up as his eyes focused once again on her, he gave a swift nod.

"Dig... Thea?" She saw the sadness in his eyes then.

"Hey they're mad but they'll understand, they'll help you. You'll see Oliver we'll figure something out." He frowned a little.

"But me and you, we're okay?"

"We're _**more**_ than okay..." She whispered her hands slipping to his shoulders; she gently pushed her hands under the heavy cloak trying to push it off him.

"Felicity?" He questioned an eyebrow raised.

"Oliver." She challenged with a smirk, he let go of her back as the cloak fell from his shoulders into a heap on the floor. Her hands slowly started to undo the buttons near his collar, slowly revealing more of his chest.

"Felicity..." He moaned slightly as his hands fell to her hips. "I've been stopping myself for 6 days, since I knew you were alive from doing this..."

"Doing what?" She asked her eyes blown from lust. He licked his lips slowly as she watched.

"From _**touching**_ you, _**kissing**_ you..." She grabbed the robes pulling Oliver into a searing kiss, she nipped his bottom lip before gently stroking it with her tongue, he moaned and she deepened the kiss. He didn't try to fight her as she tenderly caressed his mouth. She pulled back then stepping out of his grasp.

"Is that _**all **_you've imagined doing?" She said her voice low and raspy, her lips swollen, and her glasses slightly askew. He groaned then as she slowly span around and walked towards the door, he watched as she purposefully swayed her hips. Her legs looked amazing in the pale green sundress she wore, it had been a particularly warm day in Nanda Parbat, hence the dress. Felicity slowly slid the lock on the door into place when suddenly she felt his hands on her. His arms banded around her waist from behind, as he gently spoke into her ear.

"I want to spend the whole night getting to know your body, getting to know what makes you _**scream**_, what makes you shout _**my**_ name, what makes you _**beg**_ for more." She could feel the heat pooling low in her belly, as he gently kissed down her neck.

"Oh..." Was all her mind could manage then as he gently sucked her pulse point.

"I want to make love to you." He whispered.

"No..." She said forcefully he froze then. His arms tensing up. "I mean we can totally do that, it would be nice but right now I kind of... I want..." She let her head droop as she hesitated slightly, her mind worrying about if she was good enough for Oliver Queen.

"Hey, we don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I do... I just." She took a deep breath, and Oliver frowned slightly _where had her confidence gone?_ He slowly kissed her neck again.

"Tell me what you want?" He whispered into her ear encouragingly, slowly pulling on her industrial piercing. She moaned then as he slowly ran his tongue across the bar, her skin coming to life as his tongue touched it.

"Oh my... Oliver." Her arms flew back to his neck scratching slightly; he slowly raised one hand cupping her breast through the fabric.

"Come on Felicity. Just tell me." He gently sucked on her ear lobe then causing another moan as he gently kneaded her breast. Her brain stopped worrying, her mind finally realising this man wanted her, wanted to make her happy.

"I want you to _**fuck**_ me Oliver." He froze then a little stunned, she instantly regretted saying it. She went to speak until she suddenly could feel Oliver's erection pressing into her ass, as he ground it into her.

"God, Felicity!" He groaned. He quickly span her around then pulling the shoulder straps of her dress down, she pulled her arms out, as he slowly pulled the robe over his head. She wanted to touch his body, but she knew in that moment if she did the heat, the lust she felt would disappear and all she wanted right then was to feel Oliver inside her, to be completely surrounded and consumed by him.

His arms wrapped around her as he pulled her in for a heated kiss, this was all tongues and teeth, every lustful emotion going in to it. She felt his hands fall to her ass lifting her and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist, her heels falling off in the process clanging to the floor. She could feel him through his pants as it rubbed against her core, she couldn't help gently rocking herself feeling the pleasurable pressure where she wanted it most. She through her head back with a moan, and Oliver gently, kissed, nipped and sucked across her collar bone. He carried her over to the dresser, placing her on it; his hand pulled the front of her dress down revealing her braless breasts. He looked up then and their darkened eyes matched. This wasn't like the last time he saw them dark, this was the woman he loved and they were about to cross a line they could never come back from. Her hands unbuttoning his pants brought him out his mind. He grabbed her wrist.

"Are you sure?" He asked his voice full of hunger, hunger for her.

"I have _**never**_ been more _**certain**_ in my life." He groaned then as he literally ripped her lace underwear from her, letting them fall to the floor. She chuckled lightly as she freed his straining erection. She tilted her head slightly _because of course Oliver Queen had to be well endowed, no wonder he had such a reputation pre-island and so many post-island._ She heard him laugh then as her eyes met his, she blushed knowing she had said it out loud and she watched him lick his lips as it spread across her skin.

Suddenly his hand was on her breast, his thumb and forefinger gently pulling her nipple. His mouth immediately went to the other one gently nipping, and sucking at the hardening nub. She arched her back into his touch, she had never been more turned on with someone just playing with her breasts. Oliver couldn't help the arousal he felt at her mews and moans, just from his touches. Slowly her hand wrapped around him and he groaned loudly as she gently pumped him. He stopped his actions as she slowly guided him to her entrance. Their eyes locked, neither looking away as he slowly penetrated her, inch by inch, causing them both to moan, till he was fully seated. She could feel him pulsing inside her and it was so much better than she had imagined, he felt safe and loving, it truly felt like home.

Oliver stared into her eyes, she truly was alive, his heart hammered at the feeling of her slickness and tight walls surrounding him. She moved her hips slightly encouraging him to move, he instantly responded, sliding nearly all the way out before slamming back into her. She grabbed the edge of the dresser with one hand, and his shoulder with the other for support. With each thrust their moans grew louder, Olivers pace increased and increased, Felicity could feel herself spiralling out of control, could feel her orgasm building like never before. She wrapped her legs tighter around his as she dug her nails into his skin. He groaned loudly.

"Felicity!" Her hand came to play with her own breast, pulling and rolling her nipple; he looked at her with complete awe, love and passion.

"So... close Oliver..." She stuttered out. He quickened his pace even more, his hands falling to her hips to hold her firmly in place. He could feel his balls tightening as her walls clenched around him. He knew they were both close, so he moved a hand to where they were joined and with one slow circle over her clit, they were done for. She threw her head back as her orgasm exploded from the tips of her toes to the top of her head, screaming his name as her vision blurred. A couple of thrusts later and Oliver came inside of her, his mouth landing on her shoulder biting softly, as the pure heat in his veins began to subside from his own mind-blowing orgasm. Felicity opened her eyes first to take a look around; something green beside them caught her eyes. **_A fern_**. Oliver's chest was heaving as he came down from his high.

"Wow." He said standing up straighter. He went to pull away from her but she wrapped her legs tighter around him pulling him closer. His pulsing cock, and her over sensitive core causing them both to moan, and even after that passionate exchange the want and arousal was starting to build again.

"I don't know about you but that was amazing." She replied, he smiled then as she slowly pulled her dress over her head. Her skin looked sun kissed, clearly from the Tibetan day light, and he wanted to kiss all of it. He leant forward kissing her softly on the lips. She smiled as her arms wrapped around his neck, and she brushed her breasts across his chest. The sensitive nubs sending sparks straight to her core again and clearly it affected Oliver as she could feel him slowly begin to harden in her.

She slowly loosened a leg using a foot to help him pull his pants down; he used his own legs to fumble out of them. The small movements causing ripples of pleasure for them both. Oliver slowly reached for Felicitys hair, he pulled it free from it's now messy ponytail letting it fall softly on her skin as he ran his fingers through it as he kissed her, pouring all his love and devotion into it. They pulled back his nose catching her glasses, that had fogged making him smile again.

"I really do love you Felicity."

"I love you too Oliver". She glanced at the fern beside them. "You got another fern?"

"No... That's _**our**_ fern, when you were in the hospital I went back to get it, I brought it _**here**_." Her heart swelled at the thought of him saving their plant, just as he had saved her.

"If _**that**_ can survive all those things, I think we can too Oliver." He smiled then, his eyes sparkling like never before.

"Me and you against the world?" He asked softly. She leant forward wrapping her arms around his shoulders again. He picked her up then carrying her into the adjoining room where a large hand-carved 4 poster bed lay. She ran her thumb over his lips.

"For as long as I'm alive." She said softly. His eyes snapped to hers then. "We don't know how long we are going to have Oliver."

"I know." He said holding her in his arms.

"Well then let's make the most of _every moment we have_." She smiled softly. He gently knelt on the bed, slowly moving up till he dropped them onto it. She moaned instantly feeling the hardness of his erection already.

"And let's start that right now, I'm going to spend the _**whole night**_ making the most of you." He winked as he propped himself up on his elbows.

She gently ran her hands over his abs, over his chest, over every muscle; she ran her fingers over every scar and tattoo she had memorised over the years. Oliver stayed completely still; he knew she needed this as much as he did. She let herself feel his pain, let herself think of the many ways he had survived, of how strong he truly was and how much she really did love him. Her hand stopped on the newest scar, the chest wound from Ra's. She gently ran her finger a long it. She felt the shiver run down his spine, and her eyes snapped to his. He wasn't just thinking of his death he was thinking of hers too, she could see it in his eyes as he leant forward and captured her lips.

Felicity realised she loved this brave, extraordinary man with all her heart and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

Oliver realised he needed her, he loved her and he knew in that moment when she was caressing his body that he would most definitely not be able to not have Felicity Smoak in his life, as his partner, as the woman he loved, and hopefully one day if they made it, as his wife, and as the mother of his children.

They stared into each other's eyes, as they made love for the first time, finally both feeling like they truly belonged somewhere, that they had found home, that they had met the one person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, there already exceptional connection intensifying with every movement, every touch, every kiss. They knew they would never give up on each other now; they would never be the same because they had finally found their happy endings in each other.


End file.
